How and Why I became Softer

First of all I stopped using words like disrespectful, dominant, and instead I started to look for the true meaning behind the behaviors.

I started to dissect every behavior and look at it differently. I paid attention to all the little details and signs the horses where giving me. Basically I started looking at the why.

Why didn't they want to do said behavior? What could be their reasoning behind it. Was it fear, frustration, not understanding, soreness, etc...

Instead of worry about how to get them to NOT do certain behaviors I started to focus on the behavior I wanted them to do.

Horses don't do behaviors without reason. In some way that behavior was rewarded either by you or it could be a self rewarding behavior.  Bad behaviors such as bucking or rearing can be self rewarding because it works to get rid of the pressure or pain caused by the rider or tack. (There can be many different reasons) Wanting to rush home is usually rewarded  because in the end the ride stopped. There are two ways to stop these behaviors: 1. Make the punishment so severe it outweighs the reward they get by performing the behavior or 2. Make the reward for the correct behavior outweigh the bad behavior. The problem with the first way is that it doesn't address the root cause. By punishing the behavior you aren't asking the question of Why. And without addressing the why you can't ever completely address the issue at hand. And if you don't fix the root cause you truly are not fixing the behavior. You will see the behavior again, it may not be often, but it will happen. However, if you look for the root cause and address that issue then you will be able to make the bad behavior extinct because they won't have a reason to repeat it.

So with all that in mind, I started to change my ways. This was a long process. The funny part is I have known this for many years. When I trained dogs my specialty was aggressive and reactive dogs. When working with dogs that have behavioral issues you always back chain to find the root cause. So why did it take me so long with horses. Well because it went against everything I was taught in the horse world. Most trainers in the horse world don't brother to look at the why they only address the issue at hand. Actually I lied, they will tell you the "why" is because the horse is being disrespectful or dominant.

You don't have to take my word for it, these are my own thoughts and opinions, but if you have even the slightest want to work your horse without pain and pressure start to look at the small details. Start to analyze every part of your relationship with your horse. Start to look at how what You do effects your horse. Try to look at things from your horses point of view. Step back and take a good long look at yourself. Also step back and watch others. Start to watch how they interact with their horses. Watch the horse...sometimes watching others do the same thing you do is the biggest eye opener. Cause yes, it looks and feels the same when you do it. I know I had a real eye opener when I did all of this.