What happens when our egos take over when we are working with our horses? This is a question I ponder and think about quite a bit. It happens to me, in fact it happens to all of us.
I had a friend as me a few days before my demo with Pixie this last week if we were ready. My response was "all I know is that animals keep us humble." Why was that my answer, well because it is the truth. Horses and all animals will keep our ego's in check.
My demo went exactly as I thought, not the way I planned it, lol. Pixie was good, did she do everything I asked? No, she did a lot of her own thing just as I expected. She did stay with me and lucky for me didn't blow me off since I wasn't breathing and I am sure I wasn't being as clear as I should have been. We have had many many better days at bridle-less riding when I wasn't trying to show something to an audience. Why was I nervous to demo something that Pixie and I do all the time? Plain and simple I felt like it if we messed up it would make my training methods look bad. I feel pressured all the time to defend the way I train. I know for the most part people aren't judging as much as I think they are, but that feeling is still there deep inside of me. That is my ego talking, saying you have to prove something when I really don't. And so what if we had messed up, isn't that part of being human. My other half and Willow went out and did a liberty demo too. They were outstanding. Why? Because they didn't have an agenda. No set plan, nothing to prove. They went out and played just like they do when they are alone in the arena. Just as every session should be with our horses.
We get caught up in our agendas when we work with our horses,but we need to remember that just going out and enjoying what we do is the most important part. Our ego's push us to try and prove something to the world causing us to do things we normally wouldn't do. I battle with this all time when it comes to Navi. I find it hard to admit that I struggle with her and her training.
So what happens when we let our ego's take over? My opinion is that we start to use tools in a way we wouldn't normally. Or we use tools such as whips,spurs, etc... I have always been open as to how I feel about these tools and have admitted to the use of them as well. The horse world has become a world of having to prove that you can make your horse perform better than someone else. I am not against showing, but I am against using what ever means necessary to win even if that means hurting the horse. I see it time and time again. The horse doesn't do what is asked so we resort to pain as a way to get what we want. How is that not our ego getting too big. The moment we feel it is okay to cause pain to another living breathing animal because we feel like they have to do something for us so we can prove our worth to another person. Why is it okay to use another animal as a stepping stone for ourselves?
5+ years ago I saw a video of Clinton Anderson and his horse, Mandy, doing a liberty demo and at that moment I said that I wanted to get there with Pixie. Now I can safely say I do not want to be there with Pixie. I want to be different. I want to ride her bridle-less down a trail some day, and I know that day will come (that is my ego talking) . However I also know that it will not go as planned, and we will probably never make it out of the hay field. (And that is how Pixie keeps me humble) I could use force and pain to get to this goal, but in reality my goal isn't to prove that I can do it, but to prove that I trust my horse and I have worked hard to have a partnership with her.
I had to face some very hard truths this past week. I had to draw a boundary line in what I am willing to be a part of. I cannot say one thing and do another. If I want to truly grow and evolve into a softer trainer I must following my own advice. Everyone has their own journey, and it is up to them to find a way to follow along that path. Sometimes finding the right path is hard and it is never a straight line to get to where you want to be.
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